Quotes

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
Lewis B. Smedes

When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.
Catherine Ponder

“I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not forgive..."
Henry Ward Beecher

Lost

Ever feel like you've lost your footing?
Which way is forward
Which way is down
Should you turn right
Or should you turn around

Your gut tells you one way,
But the sign says another
To make it worse
You feel like you've been here before
Have you?

Is this the ground
Or is it the sky
Are you falling
Or are you climbing?

Is the air pressure rising
Or are your airways constricting
Is this the bright light at the end of a dark tunnel
Or is it the light emitting from Heaven's doors

Your gut tells you one way,
But the sign says another
To make it worse
You feel like you've been here before
Have you?

Cliffs

Giving and taking. We grow up learning that giving is right and taking is selfish. But how much can you give before you run dry? When is it okay to take without having an unbearable weight of selfishness out to smother you? Like many things in life, it's important to find the "balance."

I can't find it.

It seems inevitable that I will always run on extremes. Perhaps the silver lining in that cloud is that I won't ever grow bored of myself or my life. I like to give and give until I crash; likewise, I also like to take and take until the other party crashes. But it's never an equal exchange of giving and taking. Someone always seems to have to suffer. In this exchange, someone is either ignorant as a butterfly soaring mightily into a furnace or guilty as a dying patient watching her loved ones weep.

We run into these huge boulders in life because everyone is different. It's such a simple concept, yet so hard to conceive when you sit down and think about it. Why is it hard to conceive? Because we're human and self-centered by nature. No matter how hard we try, we'll always think from our own perspective first. I have work. I have needs. I have sorrows. But what about the other person? We forget. Sometimes we're so overcome with our own lives that we forget. The person in front of you also has work, needs and sorrows. Perhaps not in that order, but they exist.

Sometimes we are so obsessed with our own notions of happiness that we forget not everyone has the same definition. I'm giving you A and B, so you ought to be grateful and happy. Anyone would be. It's unfathomable that anyone could ever want or need anything else. To want something else would be unreasonable. According to whose rules? Who is to say what is reasonable or unreasonable? Maybe she wants B and C. Would asking for a T be too much? Perhaps it is, because it's not in your books.

We always like to blame someone. It's your fault for not noticing. It's your fault for not remembering. It's your fault for not caring. But when you think about it, does the fault only belong to one person? It's my fault for not communicating my sadness. It's my fault for not giving you a chance. It's my fault for not caring.

I see the car steering towards a cliff in the road, but I can't stop it. I can't summon up the power to reverse, turn, brake. I can't do anything. I could do a lot of things to stop it from happening, but I'm scared. Too scared to move. I find myself closing up, building walls. A vain hope that it won't happen if I close my eyes to it. Maybe the other person is trying to stop it, but I can't see. I'm too absorbed in building my wall. I flinch. I wince. I shudder. Too jaded to take a glance to see if the other person is trying to re-steer the car.

What do you think it looks like, at the bottom of that cliff? A clear spring waiting to envelope you in bubbles and glitter? One can only dream.

I've taken so much that it's only fair to give, to understand. But I don't know what it's doing to me in the process. I feel a fearsome moss growing along my legs. Slowly creeping its way upwards. With each inch that it stretches I grow more anxious. I grow harder. I try to brush this moss off, but it comes back. I try to ward it off with images of your smiles and kisses, but it's withstanding. I try to scream for help, but nothing comes out. I can only stare blankly at you and smile. I won't give you a chance to save me, to save us--and for that I am sorry. Maybe I've already acknowledged the cliff.

It was the sweetest joyride with you, and I don't regret a second of it. Even if it has to come to a painful stop.

Even if you have to hate me.

I am a selfish person. No matter how hard I try to give and to understand, I will always want to take. Maybe it wasn't ever yours to give, no matter how hard you and I both wanted it to be.

The cliff, it looms. The sky cries in shades of blue and grey. My soul, it withers.

Circular Holes

Do you ever wonder sometimes why you do the things that you do?
Why you say the things that you say?

I do. I would love to believe that I am an intelligent and reasonable being, but often my actions and words say otherwise. With the utmost confidence, I can saunter into conversations and believe that I am in control. But I am not. My emotions control me. No matter how hard my brain tries to fight this hideous battle, I cannot win.

I can't.

Sometimes it is a blessing, and sometimes it is a curse. Had I not been defeated in the beginning, I would not have loved you. Had I not been defeated in the beginning, I would not have followed you. But now it is a curse. And I am being defeated. I am weak. Is it a flaw?

Here is another question that I pose for you. Do people truly change? I would love to believe that they do. But, alas, I am being jaded by reality. Maybe the square peg will never fit into the circular hole, no matter how hard I try.

Maybe all was for naught.
Maybe none of it was worth it.
Maybe all the love I tried to give was given in vain.
Maybe it wasn't.

How is one to know? They say you never know until you try. I tried. Why do I still not know?

Understanding

Sometimes you and I stray from the path of reason and question the differences that the other may possess. In those moments, it is utterly impossible to conceive how the other person can think the way that he or she does. It's even more preposterous for the other person to accuse you of being unreasonable. Illogical. Emotional.

But really happened? Miscommunication. Words drowned out by violent language and harsh glares. Who can really say what the other person said? All you'll hear is what you want to hear. Because you have to be right, and I can't be wrong.

You don't understand. I don't understand. We don't try to understand. Then we'll both lose. Understand? It's not about who's right; it's not about who's wrong. It's about loving each other despite the differences. With that love should come an insurmountable desire to understand and to forgive.

Without it, we'll be forever lost in the darkness that was cast upon us by our own stubborn prides. Alone in misery, with anger, scorn, and regret as our only companions.

So Tender and Sweet

In the deepest depth of my heart,
Lies my most precious possession.
Often, I smile stupidly to myself,
Vibrating with the euphoric sensations that
Every breath of yours brings to me.
Undoubtedly, you are the one--my soulmate.

Onward

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start
today and make a new ending."